The lady in the office

The lady in the office

Martin's gift of an Echo Dot to his aging parents was a gesture of love. His father, Ed, was 76, and his mother, Nell, 75, when he brought the slickly packaged product to their 80s ranch-style brick-faced house in Wichita.

“Damn waste of money if you ask me, this fancy box, why didn’t they just put it in a paper bag?” said Ed. And that before he even knew what it was. “Now, Dad, just hold on a minute.”

The son opened the lid, revealing the 4-inch-diameter device sitting as if it were a sacred jewel in a miniature velvet-lined chest.

“What the heck is that?” “It’s an Echo Dot, Dad.”

“Son, just what good is it and why do I need it? Never had a dot do anything for me,” this last bit said with as much of a smirk as his lined, creviced, and jowly face could muster.

The next twenty minutes were spent in Ed’s office as Martin reminded his dad how much he had been complaining about many things: how hard it was for him to read the indoor/outdoor thermometer, the irritation he experienced when he forgot to feed the dog or close his garage door, and having to get out of his warm bed on a cold winter's night to turn off a light.

“Martin, if I didn’t always complain, I wouldn’t know what to say to your mother.”

“Dad, come on now, quit being silly, Mom says you talk too much, and if you really need to complain, you can talk to Alexa.”

“Who the hell is Alexa? I don’t know any Alexa.”

“Let’s set up your dot, and you’ll meet Alexa. Can I have your phone, Dad?”

Grumbling, Ed left the office to look for his phone.

Martin sat in his desk chair for several minutes, waiting for his dad to return to the office. Impatient, he got up and went to look for him. He found his mother and dad looking under cushions, in the closets, and behind books, searching for his phone.

“You lost it again, didn’t you, Dad?”

“No, he didn’t. It’s just misplaced; it always turns up,” his mom returned.

And shortly thereafter, it did. Returning to the office with the iPhone, the father-son pair went about getting the Alexa app on Ed’s phone and setting up the new dot. Ed, as a teenager, had been a sci-fi enthusiast. He had actually attended the first Star Trek convention held in New York in 1972. As such, he got into Alexa as soon as he saw those blue, orange, red, white, yellow, and green rings.

“Now, Dad, I want you to do something for me, no questions asked.”

Caught up in his excitement over his new toy, Ed didn’t even argue, just said OK.

“Take your phone and set it somewhere outside this room.”

Doing as asked, Ed took the phone into the hallway and left it on the vanity top in the nearby hall bathroom. Returning to the office, he said, “Now what?”

“Okay, Dad, I want you to sit in your chair, then leaning over, whispered, Dad, say Alexa, find my phone.”

Doing exactly as requested, Ed said, “Alexa find my phone”

“No, Dad, you have to say it louder.”

With a laugh, Ed replied, “But I said it just like you did.” With a grin he couldn’t resist, Martin said, “Ya got me, dad.”

Asking in a louder voice, Ed was delighted when a blue light encircled his new best friend, and then he heard his phone ringing in the bathroom. Another half hour of tutoring found Ed comfortable with the Echo Dot, but he did have one concern.

“Son, does everyone call this thing Alexa?” “Most people do, but you can call it anything. What would you like to call it?” Martin responded.

The answer came that Ed would like to call his Echo Dot, Sally, with a brief pause and a furrowed eyebrow, Martin replied, “Uh, sure thing, Dad.”

After the name change, Martin asked Ed if he would like him to show Nell how Sally worked and how helpful she could be. The father thanked his son, even giving him an unexpected hug, but said he wanted to show her his newfound technical savvy.

It was with a caressing calm and happiness that Martin left his Parents' house that day, it wasn’t often that he got the opportunity to pay back his parents.

But it wasn’t quite as successful a visit as he thought. Or was it?

Martin went to his Alexa app and asked her to remind him to ask his dad why Sally?

The truth of the moment was that Ed didn’t know. The name just popped into his head, and he liked it. Several weeks down the road, Nell would fill in that blank.

A second marriage for the couple, Ed and Nell, was 40 years into a relationship in which they had raised, by all accounts, a wonderful son whom they felt more than comfortable leaving their plumbing business to. A life’s work that, working together, they had grown into a flourishing operation with over 50 employees and a fleet of 20 vehicles.

Since retiring 10 years ago, Ed has kept his hand in the business, consulting with Martin when requested, occasionally going to job sites, and reporting back to Martin any concerns. This loose affiliation was, as much as anything, an excuse for Ed to maintain a home office, which gave him a sanctuary at home where he could basically hide out.

Nell was by no means an aproned, doddering old lady with a feather duster and scarf tied around her head, far from it. She was attractive, well-dressed, active, and capable of decisive action. If friends were asked what they thought about Nell. The only negative ever brought up would be something like Well, sometimes she gets carried away with a thought and won’t let go. Like once in a pickleball tournament, she thought her partner deliberately missed a shot, and she never let her forget it.

Ed spent more time than ever in his office, learning everything he could about Sally’s capabilities.

Not a single word of Sally was mentioned to Nell. She didn’t even know the real reason for her son's visit that early Saturday morning in May. She had been told it was to discuss a commercial plumbing project out on Roosevelt Avenue.

 Ed wanted to keep Sally all to himself, at least for the time being. Telling himself, maybe after a while, I’ll buy her one, so she can have her own. But then she does have that pickleball, plays damn near every day and is gone for hours. Ed had been advised against playing the game by his doctor, due to arthritic knees from years in the plumbing trade.

Nell's frequent absence from the local indoor courts did provide much alone time for Ed and Sally. Eager to take full advantage of the Echo Dots' abilities, Ed transformed his house into a smart home. All switches and outlets were replaced with smart ones. Ring cameras were installed inside and out. All exterior doors had smart locks installed.

With all the devices installed, and done so for the most part without his wife’s knowledge (she couldn’t help but notice the door locks and a couple of the cameras), Ed surprised her with his new expertise and downloaded the Alexa app on her phone, showing her how to control the devices with it. What she wasn’t shown was the procedure to give the app the ability to use voice commands. Nell used her phone a lot for social media, so she was far from a Luddite; she just wasn’t interested in all the devices. She didn’t even question the need for the lock on the office door, which was explained by Ed as being installed because the office was where the safe was. The fact that it was the safe from their first plumbing shop and left open because Ed couldn’t ever seem to do the combination properly did not seem to come into play.

Every morning when Nell left for pickleball, Ed ensconced himself in his office, frequently not leaving until long after she returned. Many evenings were spent there, too, as Nell streamed several TV shows on Netflix and Prime that he did not enjoy.

Ed spent this time in his office trying out every game available on Sally, with his favorites being Jeopardy and Akinator. He could play for hours.

One evening, while watching Emily in Paris, Nell needed to use the bathroom. Noticing as she entered the bathroom closest to the living room that it was out of toilet paper, she headed to the ½ bath down the hall and near the office, as she passed the office door, she heard the word Sally and nothing more, continuing on she retrieved several rolls of toilet paper stored in the ½ bath and returned to her original destination. Back in Paris with Emily, she didn’t give it a second thought.

On her way home from pickleball the next day, she realized that Sally was the woman Ed was dating when she met him.

Nell's first inclination was to burst into the office and demand to know why he was talking to Sally, but remembering her friend’s kindly admonition that sometimes she gets a bit carried away before she knows the whole story, she decided to investigate first.

On the next five pickleball days, Nell skipped the after-match gossip fest and coffee get-together. He got home early, entered the driveway but not the garage, so he would not hear the garage door, and entered the house as quietly as possible.

On three of those five days, she heard her husband say Sally. The second of those three, he actually said, "Sally, what’s the weather like in Boca? Have you checked?" Rushing to the master bedroom ensuite, she fell to the floor in front of the toilet. On her knees, she grabbed the rim of the toilet and vomited like she hadn’t since prom night 50 odd years ago. Not being completely accurate in her vomiting, much was left on the rim, and Nell left it there.

Spending the next ten minutes on the bed crying like never before, she kept telling herself, Hold on.

 I have a good life. Maybe I’ll have an affair, there are some good-looking guys at pickleball, well, except for their legs and guts.

Having calmed herself down, she began formulating a strategy of taking time and gathering evidence to make sure she came out well in a divorce if it came to that.

That evening, she was on her side of the California king, who had turned both of them into dwarves, when Ed came into the bedroom and headed straight to the bathroom.

“Nell, what is this?”

“What’s what, Dear?”

“This stuff on the toilet.”

“Oh, that I threw up earlier, be a dear and clean it up, won’t you?”

“grrrrrrr”

“Oh, I hear my little bear.”

It was all Nell could do to keep from bursting out into uncontrollable and satisfying laughter; she nearly had to suffocate herself with a pillow.

The next day was the last day of pickleball for the week, and again Nell opted to miss coffee with her friends and got home early, stealthily down the hall she went, stopping just outside the office door. Once again, she heard the name Sally spoken by her cheating husband, She could take it no longer. Noticing the door was locked, she couldn’t believe it,

Sally must be in there! Remembering her Alexa app on her phone, she opened the device list and was pissed, but she verified to see that the only device not added was the lock on the office door.

HELL, NO I WILL TAKE IT NO MORE. This is heard only by the auditory cortex located in Nell's temporal lobe.

Ed had a good morning that Friday; he won the Akinator game for the first time and came close to winning Jeopardy. After sitting for a couple of hours, he stretched his back and legs and decided to go downstairs and grab a snack. He knew there were still a couple of Nell's famous ginger snaps sitting on a plastic-wrapped plate on the quartz island in the middle of the kitchen.

Ed knew Nell would not be home yet, but thinking of her name, he realized that he was looking forward to their date, Nite, this evening. Making his way to the kitchen, he saw the familiar plate with three cookies on it—just enough, he surmised—but there was a note next to it.

It read, "Ed, please enjoy these last cookies." Also, Sally, I am at the lawyer's. I will see that you get the divorce papers to sign as soon as possible. Oh, and have fun in Boca.

Your soon-to-be ex-wife, Nell.

WHAT The Hell !!!!! - That was probably heard by the whole neighborhood

The end